CAJen Pen

[decibelle]

CAJen Pen

Attencion, you sorry lovelorn fuckers of CAJ. Feeling a bit lonely during the upcoming Valentines Day holiday (again)? Don't have a special someone to share it with? Or maybe you're one of those sacks of shit who just wants a new, low-key plaything this season - whatever your case, CarAudioJunkies has your answer!

I know what you're thinking,"But millerlyte, what woman would ever want me?" Well, my friend, I have consulted the top dog of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy, and got my hands on a nifty little thing I like to call the CAJen Pen, or Jen for short. New and improved, now with fully-loaded automatic luxury class-A standard options! Yes yes y'all, you can have it all!



Sound a little too high-maintenance for your 'special' needs? Don't worry, she's more of a giver than a receiver. That's great for you, but I am sure you are wondering, is she attractive, or does she at least come with a six pack and a paper bag? Well let me tell you, boy, you gonna learn today.

Thin, flat figures are archaic things of decades past - real men like curves. And like any good house curve, she's got a thick, voluptuous low end for days that you won't be able to keep your grubby hands off of.

While you can appreciate the sleek top and luscious middle, maybe you're really just a bottom-end type of fellow - fret not, buttmen of CAJ, there's plenty for you - she's got dat ass, too!


A ghetto booty.

But wait, there's more! You may have noticed by now that she may not be the sharpest tip in the box (she'll let you have that one, you stud, you), but for what she is, she sure is bright! This fine lady will outshine the best of them with a built-in bright white LED in the trunk for maximum, long-lasting output. Just like you.



There's a naughty joke in here somewhere...

Instead of paying some snot-nosed tax assessor to count your money every year, let little miss CAJen do your taxes for you. She'll write the shit out of your checks, provide you the breakfasts of champions with a bomb ass grocery list fit for a goddamn king, and even keep you entertained during those boring work meetings (that she reminded you of, peon). She is great at keeping secrets, so you'll never have to worry about any confidential goings-on between you two winding up on the interwebs.

So... how 'bout that sweet, sweet action? Grip her hard or fondle her softly: unlike your wife, she can be handled for hours without going dry. You'll know all the right buttons to push - as she's only got two of 'em - and some cushion for the pushin', so you'll never tire early.




Wow, she really sounds like the one, doesn't she? But how is her loyalty to you? Flash back for a moment to a previous relationship: you're really digging this girl, I mean really down with this chick. So maybe you've been thinking about making the move.... pulling her a little closer to the heart, you know? So you go for it, but she just ain't feelin' it. It's over. Done. That flaky bitch broke up with you for good.

She took the dog, too.

Well let me tell you, gentlemen, those times are over. This one was built for commitment with her super-extra fortified clip that will stick with you on that shirt pocket - at least until your wife throws her through a wash cycle or two. Yessir, this one was built for the long-term. And don't worry, guys, she'll never ask the ever-dreaded question, "are you really wearing that?"




Gentlemen, the CAJen Pen. Yours for an unlimited time only for probably less than a dollar.


*must be 18 years or older to qualify
*satisfaction not guaranteed, individual results may vary
*not available in AK, HI, Puerto Rico or any of those other communist shithole countries

[chithead]

Bravo!!! Best pen in the world! Mine was already confiscated and used for school work earlier today.

[Kevin K]

What an advertisement...

[BigAl205]

You will notice by diagrams A and B that JEN is ribbed...for her pleasure

[astrochex]

excuse me, I've got to find some tissue.

[claydo]

Ally, yer a goddamn genius. An r rated infomertial machine I tells ya. Kinda reminds me of a solicitation letter I was required to do in Eng 114 back in that day. Everyone who read it said I wouldn't turn it in........but I did, and my sexy ass English professor gave it back with smiley's on it. It was a sales introduction to claydo's pencil company.....and the innuendo was practically dripping of the paper.........wonder if I still have that thing......hmmmm.

[Hic]

S O L D

[decibelle]

You will notice by diagrams A and B that JEN is ribbed...for her pleasure

Ally, yer a goddamn genius. An r rated infomertial machine I tells ya. Kinda reminds me of a solicitation letter I was required to do in Eng 114 back in that day. Everyone who read it said I wouldn't turn it in........but I did, and my sexy ass English professor gave it back with smiley's on it. It was a sales introduction to claydo's pencil company.....and the innuendo was practically dripping of the paper.........wonder if I still have that thing......hmmmm.

Looks like I know who I'll be consulting for the next product review.

... Mouse pads, mayhaps?

[Hillbilly SQ]

That's the best product description/review I've ever read! If the criminal justice thing doesn't work out you could always go into writing for something like MAD magazine. I think I got the naughty joke with the light shining on the kitty...MEOW!

[Scott@GZUSA]

Good shit, thanks for the laugh