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Thread: The official joke thread

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    Owner BigAl205's Avatar
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    The official joke thread

    Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

    "You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

    "What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

    "I think you're bad luck."

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    Re: The official joke thread

    OK, so a single woman, 6 months pregnant with twins, has a horrific car accident, which lands her in the hospital in a coma for 6 months.........when she awakens, her hands go straight to her now empty belly.....oh no, she cries as the events replay in her head. Her nurse comes running in to console her, don't worry, the nurse tells her you have two beautiful babies, a girl, and a boy. Tells her the birth went off without a hitch......the woman, now relieved, asked where are my babies? The nurse says don't worry, your brother brings them by everyday, to check on you........she moans, not my brother......he's an idiot. The nurse laughed, and said they seem to be in good hands....... he even named them......the woman rolled her eyes, and asked.....what did he name them?......the nurse responds, well the little girl.....Denise....the woman breathed a sigh of relief, thinking, that's not so bad........then she asked, and the boy? The nurse hesitated.......then told her........da nephew.........

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    RRAMA NEED $$ TIMMAY!!!'s Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    What's the longest sentence in the world?


    ....











    ....



















    ...I do.

    edit: High five for 100 posts bitches!

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    Please leave your comments in the box outside my door, right underneath the sign that reads: Shame T. Llama, phD. Your thoughts are very important to me!

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    Re: The official joke thread

    Haha, llama.....how bout this.....If a man speaks his opinion, and his wife is not there to correct him......is he still wrong?

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    Noob Fricasseekid's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.



    The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :



    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?




    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.




    One student, however, wrote the following:




    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.




    Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.




    This gives two possibilities:




    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.




    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.




    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
    THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.



    Sent from my Springfield XD with love!

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    Senior Member captainobvious's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    lol that's hilarious

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    ~Paw~Paw})]<^>¥ Hic's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    A man comes home in the middle of the night with a bit too much noise.

    He staggers into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

    He says rather loudly, this is the pig I'm sleeping with !

    His wife calmly says: That's not a pig, it's a sheep.

    He says: Shut up, I wasn't talking to you !
    Viewing Smilies , you trying to access privileged system?¤Somewhere 0ut There¤}]

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    Senior Member astrochex's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread


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    Woobooster WOOSEY's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Hic View Post
    A man comes home in the middle of the night with a bit too much noise.

    He staggers into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

    He says rather loudly, this is the pig I'm sleeping with !

    His wife calmly says: That's not a pig, it's a sheep.

    He says: Shut up, I wasn't talking to you !
    Brilliant! lol


    A lady went to a pet shop and saw a large beautiful parrot. The sign on the cage said £50.00, "why so cheap?" she asked the owner. The owner looked at her and said, "look I should tell you this bird lived in a house of prostitution, and some times it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
    The woman thought about this but decided to buy it anyway. She took the bird home and hung it in the living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked at her and said "new house new madam." The lady was a little shocked at the implication, but thought "that's not really to bad" When her two daughters came home from school the bird saw them and said "new house new madam new girls." The woman and girls were a little offended but laughed it of considering were the parrot had been raised.
    Moments later the woman's husband Keith came home from work the bird looked at him and said
    "New house new madam new girls Hi Keith"

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    ~Paw~Paw})]<^>¥ Hic's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    "new house new madam new girls hi keith"
    oh shit, rofl
    Viewing Smilies , you trying to access privileged system?¤Somewhere 0ut There¤}]

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