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Thread: The official joke thread

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    Re: The official joke thread

    Good one woosey!

  2. Back To Top    #12
    Dickhead SublimeZ's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    So a man walks into a brothel. He's a little down on his luck and only has $5. He asks the woman at the front desk, "So what can I get with this?" and hands her the $5. She takes the money and says, "Second door on the left." The man goes to the room and sees a chicken on the bed. He's confused and searches the room for a woman. He fails to do so and looks at the chicken. "Well, I guess it's better than nothing." He proceeds to have sex with the chicken. Turns out it was the best he's ever had.
    A week later he comes back with $1. "So, uhh, what can I get for this?" The woman at the front desk says, "First room on the left." He walks into the room and sees a bunch of guys crowded around a hole in the wall. He gets a chance to peek through and sees two sexy lesbians getting it on. "Man, they're really going at it," he says, "This is pretty crazy." One guy from the crowd says, "Oh that's nothing. You should have been here last week, there was a dude fucking a chicken."


  3. Back To Top    #13
    Woobooster WOOSEY's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    Quote Originally Posted by SublimeZ View Post
    You should have been here last week, there was a dude fucking a chicken."
    Hahaha!! roflol..

  4. Back To Top    #14
    Noob Fricasseekid's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    Ha Haha!

    Those stupid lesbians paid $5! LoL


    Sent from my Springfield XD with love!

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    Owner BigAl205's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another. The elephants were connected trunk to tail. They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them.
    Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000. B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?"
    Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each."
    B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!"
    Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."

  6. Back To Top    #16
    Owner BigAl205's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
    "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
    So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
    The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???"
    "DO IT!", he commands, so the nurse sucks it back.
    "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
    Finally after 4 samples, the man rips off his ski mask to reveal it's her husband...who then exclaims, "Now was that so hard?!"

  7. Back To Top    #17
    Owner BigAl205's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
    He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
    "Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
    "Yes, checking for abrasions and abnormalities." she replies.
    He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
    Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
    She replies, "Yes, you're getting herpes - that's why I am here!"

  8. Back To Top    #18
    Dickhead SublimeZ's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    A traveling salesman trying to make a buck was driving through the plains of Nebraska when he decided to stop at a farmhouse coming up on his left.
    As he was walking up the driveway toward the front door of the house, a pig with three legs caught his eye. It was just hobbling through the grass.
    When the farmer answered the door and asked what he was selling, the salesman first asked about the three legged pig.
    "That pig is the most amazing pig in the land, son." The farmer said
    "Last year, our house caught fire when we were all asleep and that pig ran in and woke us all up one by one and saved our lives!"
    The salesman was surprised. "That is one special pig" He said.
    The Farmer replied, "That's not all. Last summer, that pig jumped into the pond and dragged my drowning son to safety. He would have died."
    The salesman was in disbelief as to how incredible this pig was. "One question. Why does he have 3 legs, is it from the fire?" He asked
    "No son, ya see, a pig like that you just don't eat all at one time."


  9. Back To Top    #19
    Owner BigAl205's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.

    Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The
    bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

    "Oh hail no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

    "The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

    "Go for it doc," says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

    The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

    "Just great," says the golfer. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

    "That's great," said the surgeon.

    "Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolours."

    "Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

    "Well, just one problem," said the golfer. "Every time I get a boner, I also get a headache."




  10. Back To Top    #20
    Senior Member littlemissGTO's Avatar
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    Re: The official joke thread

    Why isn't Halloween or Thanksgiving celebrated in Arkansas any more?
    The witch moved and took the turkey with her.

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