What do you get if you cross an insomniac with an agnostic with a dyslexic ?
A person who lies awake at night wondering if there's a DOG
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What do you get if you cross an insomniac with an agnostic with a dyslexic ?
A person who lies awake at night wondering if there's a DOG
That's funny shit right there!
Why don't hillbillies ever have sex in the reverse cowgirl position?
Because you never turn your back on family.
Is it me , or has anyone noticed that parallel lines have so much in common ?
It's a shame they'll never meet
:nana:
Lil johnny got picked to answer the teacher's question
If 5 birds are sitting on a wire and you shoot one , how many are left ?
None , says johnny , because the other birds would fly away.
I like the way you think , but actually there would be 4 left , says the teacher
Lil johnny raises his hand and the teacher says , yes johnny ?
He asks her if 3 women are eating ice cream cones and one is licking the cone , one is biting the cone and one is sucking on her cone , which one is married ?
Nervously , she replies , ' The one sucking on her cone ' ?
To which lil johnny replies , the one with the wedding ring , but I like the way you think.
A priest and a rabbi go to a lake for a swim. Having forgotten their suits then decide to just swim naked. A short time later, two buses pull up. Out of one pours the rabbi's congregation and out of the other comes the priest's. With their clothes are on the other side of the lake they don't have time to retrieve them, so they decide just to make a run for it. The priest, running with his hands covering his genitals looks over at the rabbi and sees him running with his hands over his face. He says, "rabbi! What are you doing!" The rabbi says, "in my community, they recognize me by my face."
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says, "I think we got this joke wrong."
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Sheriff: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, LED lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and underglow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!
During one of the many wars between France and England, which England always won, a British major was captured. Upon being brought to a French general for interrogation, the major was asked by the French general, “Why do you English wear red tunics … it makes you an obvious target?” The English major replied, “My uniform is red so if I am wounded and bloody, my men will not see the blood and be discouraged!” The French general thought for a moment and said, ” That is a good plan.” He then turned to an aide and issued an order. “Immediately tell all my officers to wear brown trousers!”
I told my wife : I don't know why I married you ! You've got no tits , no ass . . . To which she replied : Get off my back ! !
Jesus Christ could appear on a college campus right now and turn water into wine, and he would be frog-walked off by campus police because he killed some microorganisms in the water - Dennis Muller